This phrase is something that has appeared in many a journal entry, and I’ve said it out loud repeatedly over, well, my entire adulthood.
It’s been said to (or about) me quite a few times, too.
And of course I’ve tried, time and time again to get my shit together.
And I’ve failed, time and time again.
What I’ve come to realize over the past year is that this is completely normal for those of us with ADHD. Doubly so if we’re dealing with other chronic mental or physical health issues.
At the center of the issue lies one core flaw: our definition of having our shit together is based on how neuro-typical people operate.
It’s the classic problem of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.
Once we recognize that, we’re faced with yet another problem:
Society tells us that we have to shave off our corners to fit in the hole. That it’s how the world works and we need to do whatever it takes to fit in.
But I’m calling bullshit on that.
Instead, we need to accept that we don’t fit there and build ourselves some custom holes to fit into.
So, as an ADHD Entrepreneur, how do we get our shit together?
Let go of neuro-typical expectations.
We have to accept that the normal productivity expectations and methods aren’t going to work for us like they do for everyone else.
How many times have you picked up a planner or tried a productivity method that “everyone just swears by” and then hated every second of it?
I always came away feeling like it was a problem with me. That I just didn’t get it, or I just wasn’t disciplined enough to stick with it.
Now, I know better. Now I know that I’m wired differently
So, let go of those expectations. Give yourself the freedom to create something that works for you and how your brain is wired rather than trying to restructure your brain to fit into everyone else’s systems.
Identify your (actual, specific) gaps.
The real key to finding or creating systems that actually work for you is identifying your gaps.
“I’m not disciplined” is not a gap. Neither is “I’m unmotivated.”
Gaps need to be specific and honest. And at first they can be hard to identify because they’ve been buried beneath the unkind things we’ve been telling ourselves (or soaking in from others) as we tried to fit into the world’s neuro-typical expectations.
One of my gaps is struggling to remember sequences. I can’t just say “my memory sucks” because that isn’t quite true. Some things stick in my brain really well. But when it comes to remembering the steps to do something, that is a gap in the way my brain is wired. I either completely forget steps and skip them, or I can’t remember where I was in the sequence.
“My memory sucks” doesn’t lend itself to solutions. But “I can’t remember if I washed my hair or not” is something that we can create a system to remedy.
“I’m easily distracted” isn’t helpful. But “I can’t focus when there are competing noises in the background” is something we can find a solution for.
Accept that systems give you freedom.
For many of us, the idea of systems is synonymous with feeling like we are beating our heads against a brick wall.
Or trying to cram ourselves into a box that’s much too small.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
All we have to do is create our own systems rather than trying to use the rigid ones that are promoted by neuro-typical people.
The truth is, systems come in all shapes, sizes and levels of flexibility.
And when we implement the right ones for our brains, they can be incredibly freeing.
Why? Because they fill our gaps.
And filling those gaps allows our brains to rest a bit.
When we have a system in place to help us remember a sequence, or reduce our distractions, it’s one less thing we have to worry about.
With every little system we put in place, every gap we narrow, we get closer to the feeling of having our shit together.
Give systems time and commit to tweaking them rather than giving up completely.
Not every system you put into place is going to work perfectly right away.
Instead of tossing it, take a look at what part of the system isn’t working for you. Why isn’t it working the way you wanted?
More often than not, the solution is a simple tweak rather than a whole new system.
If a planner isn’t working for you, is it really the planner itself, or is it the time of day you’re trying to use it, or maybe where you’re storing it?
If an app isn’t working for you, is it the actual app that’s the issue or is it how you access it? Can you create a shortcut or move where it is on your device?
When I committed to using systems for 30 days before swapping them out, I discovered all sorts of things about myself and how I work. More importantly, I discovered that more often than not, it’s a change of habit or placement that needs to occur rather than buying a whole new planner, app, set of baskets, etc.
It’s a little like the real estate shows where the couple is looking for a new house and then they come back and see their current space updated and staged and realize that’s all they really needed.
When it comes down to it, tweaking systems to make them work for you requires a lot less time, energy, and money than constantly looking for new systems and moving to them.
Seek out accountability.
Another holdover from clinging to neuro-typical expectations is that we harbor this belief that having our shit together means doing it all on our own.
Again, I’m calling bullshit.
While we’re here, let’s go ahead and admit that the whole “set deadlines for yourself” thing doesn’t work for everyone. I see that promoted as a self-accountability tactic and I used to feel terrible that it didn’t work for me and it created a belief that I carried about not being disciplined enough.
Instead I began seeking accountability in formats that actually worked for me.
First, I hired an assistant. Being an entrepreneur can be really lonely, and when there’s no one with a peek inside, it’s really easy to just let things slide. Always telling yourself you’ll get to them later.
Having an assistant and delegating tasks built in timelines for me. She can’t do her job unless I’m doing mine. It also forced me to set up some systems and leave them alone…it’s a lot harder to justify tossing everything and starting over when there are other people involved.
Second, I joined a virtual coworking group. We meet for three hours once a week and work in pomodoro sessions. Saying what I’m working on out loud and knowing that everyone else is working, too, was surprisingly helpful.
Turns out that body-doubling is a technique that often helps people with ADHD and this is a method that allows me to achieve that virtually.
Getting your shit together will always be a moving target. And we’ll always have days where we feel like we’re doing better or worse than others.
It is what it is.
For me, the goal is always about improving the baseline.
I recognized that I’m never going to be as put together as someone without ADHD. Instead I’ve narrowed down what’s important to me, identified gaps, and put systems into place to help me narrow those gaps.
The more systems I get successfully into place, the more I can relax and enjoy the fun parts of my alternatively-wired brain.
By definition, anxiety is apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness, usually over an impending or anticipated ill.
Anxiety is essentially the fear of unmet expectations. We are afraid we won’t meet an expectation, and something ill will come of it.
Often, those expectations are of our own making. We expect an event to go poorly, or we’re expecting a specific outcome. If we expect something to go well, there’s no anxiety.
So when it comes to entrepreneurial anxiety, we need to focus on reframing expectations-both ours and others’.
The other day I posted something on social media that said, “the inbox is the cornerstone of entrepreneurial anxiety.” As expected, there were a lot of people in agreement with that statement. The most common response was, “Yes, so I avoid it!”
I found the two-fold nature of this anxiety to be fascinating.
You see, most entrepreneurs tie the anxiety directly to their inbox. It’s the tool/space itself that makes them feel anxious. It’s an onslaught of requests, demands, promotions, and information, and we’re often dealing with it in a cluttered and disorganized jumble. Just the thought of even looking at it triggers an expectation of overwhelm, which, in turn, creates anxiety.
The expectation that dealing with it will be overwhelming is just the first layer.
Then we have to deal with the fact that beneath that general expectation we have created for ourselves, lies a list of expectations from the senders of each message.
And the longer we avoid dealing with the inbox out of the original anxiety, the scarier the expectations hidden inside of those individual messages get.
Which makes the idea of going through the inbox even more overwhelming, which means we put it off more, which compounds the expectations of those waiting in our inbox, which…you see where I’m going with this?
Inbox Avoidance vs Obsession
Our inbox is the place where everyone else’s expectations land. When we swing to either side of the spectrum, we create a new layer of expectation for ourselves on top of those individual expectations.
On the one end, we have the avoiders–they avoid the inbox until there’s an apparent dumpster fire, and then scramble to put it out. And in doing so, they usually discover other urgent or essential things that fell through the cracks, compounding the overwhelm and anxiety they’re feeling.
On the other end of the spectrum, we have the obsessed–their inbox runs their life. It’s open all of the time, and they cannot stand to see that little red bubble with a number. They are no more productive than avoiders because they are continually putting out the fires as they come up, leaving no time or focus for other important things. Their anxiety comes from the idea of not meeting other people’s expectations fast enough, as well as repeatedly failing their own expectations for projects they never make time to complete.
Both ends of the spectrum bring their distinctive flavor of anxiety when we talk about managing an inbox.
The unfortunate reality is that email is as unavoidable as death and taxes. We’re going to have to deal with it at some point. It’s a part of pretty much everyone’s lives, yet we’re never really taught how to manage it effectively.
And to make things worse, we’re now inundated with multiple inboxes. There are inboxes on nearly every social media platform, as well as school, work, and personal emails. And then there’s the inbox of project management apps and platforms like Slack. It’s no wonder we feel overwhelmed.
At any given time, we are bombarded with other people’s expectations. They show up in text messages, voice mails, DMs, and emails. With the increase in technology, we’ve opened ourselves up to being at the mercy of other people’s expectations 24/7.
It’s no wonder that anxiety and overwhelm are the status quo for any of us, but especially entrepreneurs.
The good news is that it’s up to us to begin opting out and reframing those expectations. We can revoke that access to ourselves at any time. We can set boundaries and question which expectations we allow ourselves to buy into. We can also control when and how people communicate their expectations to us and when and how we respond.
And the simplest places to start with that are our inbox and our mobile notifications. Start by unsubscribing to promotional newsletters (expectation to buy) and social media notifications (expectation to engage instantly). Then begin setting expectations on when and how you will reply. My favorite is an autoresponder in my Facebook messages directing people to email me instead. One inbox down, 183 more to go.
If you’re interested in going deeper on this topic and learning how to simplify your inbox, join my live training, the Simplified Inbox Blueprint, on July 22nd at 6 pm Central. Click here for more information.
Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.
After many rounds of burnout, I’ve learned a couple of things.Mostly, I’ve gotten really familiar with the symptoms leading up to it.Today we’re going to talk about one in particular: overwhelm.
Overwhelm isn’t pretty, and we experience it so often in the early stages of our businesses that we become somewhat numb to it.By the time we’re nearing burnout, it goes to crazy lengths to get noticed.
You might be overwhelmed if…
Maybe this sounds familiar to you: It’s Thursday morning and you know you have a ton of deadlines on Friday, no clue where the rest of the week went, and you feel like you’ve accomplished nothing.Your to-do list (that’s mostly in your head still) feels like a Hydra, with a couple more tasks being tacked on each time you check one off.Figuring out what to work on feels almost as impossible as getting it all done.And as your chest starts to feel tight with anxiety, every form of distraction is suddenly vying for your attention.
You, my friend, are deep in overwhelm.I’m more than familiar with it myself.And after going round after round with it, I’ve landed on one thing that helps give immediate relief.
A simple notebook.
Hear me out…
A little anti-climatic, right?But that’s kind of the point.When you’re so deep in the weeds that you feel like you’re never getting out, a complicated system is certainly not going to help.You need something simple and effective to get you moving in the right direction again.So, friend, I give you the simple notebook.
Whatever you have on hand will work.Don’t feel like you need a new Leutchurn or Moleskine.In fact, a fancy notebook will hurt the process if you’re any type of perfectionist like me.Just a small notebook you can easily carry around.
Open it up to the first page and just start spilling all of the tasks you need to do.Don’t filter, categorize, or prioritize—just write.
[Don’t worry, I’ll wait patiently for you right here while you do this.]
Got it all out?Great.Don’t worry if you missed something.The moment you remember it, jot it down.That’s one reason I said a small notebook that you can carry with you.Keep it in your pocket, purse, whatever and add things as soon as you can after thinking of them.
Don’t you feel better already?No?Still feel that soul-crushing overwhelm and wondering why on earth you managed to fill three pages front and back with shit you need to do?
Remove the Unnecessary
Either way, we’re going to move on.Scan that list and see if there’s anything you wrote down that you really just don’t need to devote your energy to.Found something?Good, cross that off and don’t bother thinking about it again.
See some things on there you can delegate to someone else?Good, write them an email, shoot them a text, whatever you need to do and then write DLG next to those tasks. Don’t take too long giving any more instruction than necessary on these.Just delegate it right off of your plate and call it good.Don’t worry, we’ll come back and follow up on these if necessary.
Find Some Quick Wins
Now, look down the list again and find some quick wins.Need to make or cancel an appointment?Do it now.Need to order dog food? Get that done real quick.We’re looking for things that can be done in under 2 minutes, preferably without moving from where you’re sitting. Set a timer for 15-20 minutes and get as many of these knocked out as possible.And for the love of everything, don’t let yourself get distracted by your inbox, Facebook, or anything else like that.
I bet that was a third of your list, wasn’t it?Feeling any better yet?
Add Some Context
Next up, we’re looking for things that you need to be in a specific place to do, which means you obviously aren’t going to do them right now.If it’s something that has a specific date/time, go ahead and put it on your digital calendar, remember to set a reminder or two for it.For anything else, flip about halfway back through your book, and mark the page somehow.Fold the corner, add a sticky flag, or stick a paperclip there.Write “Errands” across the top of the page.Copy over any tasks from your main list that are appropriate here.Take the bike to the shop for a new tire.Grab face wash at Target.
Flip to the next page and label it @HOME and one more page and label it @WORK.Copy appropriate tasks over from the main list.And yes, this applies even if you work from home.Household tasks in one place and work-related in another.Again, don’t filter, don’t prioritize.Just copy them over.
Okay, I hope that by this point, you’re feeling at least a little bit better.Your brain should be calming down some since you aren’t relying on it to remember every little thing.You got some quick wins in and crossed a lot of little tasks off already.And now the bulk of the tasks are getting sorted into smaller lists, which should feel more manageable.
If there’s anything else left on your main list right now, consider where it should go.Some people might benefit from a fourth list called @PERSONAL.One of my most used is @JOSH – this is where I put things I want to talk to my husband about.It helps with the “I know was going to tell you about something, but I can’t remember what it was!” moments. I have those often.I also have one called @IDEAS where I store things that I would like to do, but simply aren’t priorities right now.Book recommendations, business ideas, etc go here so they aren’t taking up daily mental space or clogging up the actual priorities.
Just don’t overcomplicate your lists.I don’t feel like I can overstate the importance of keeping this simple.You want as few lists as possible and they should be defined enough that you never wonder which list something belongs on.
Now that we’re through the initial setup phase, let’s talk about actually using this system to keep overwhelm at bay.
1. Add things to it daily.
Multiple times a day, even.Seriously, don’t rely on your brain.If it has a date/time, it goes on your digital calendar, everything else goes straight to your list.In a hurry? Tack it on to your list at the front (I call it @INBOX). Or, if you have a second, add it to the appropriate segmented list.
2. Review it daily.
As part of your morning routine, go through the @INBOX list the same way we did earlier.Mark off things that should never have made the list, delegate what you can, take care of the quick wins, and move anything else to its appropriate list.This is a good time to follow up on anything previously delegated, too.Mark it off if it doesn’t need any further follow-up.
3. Do the things.
Each day, pick 2-3 things off your segments and get them done.If it’s something that’s a bigger project and you need to break it down, start a new list on the next page called @PROJECTNAME and break it down.My formula for what to pick is deadlines first, other priorities second, emergent tasks last.
4. Check back in.
If you practice these habits every day, it will help keep away the overwhelm.If you feel it creeping back in, start back at the beginning with brain dumping everything and sorting it again.
And that’s it, that’s my simple solution for combatting overwhelm.It’s as simple as a notebook and some daily habits.Even without the daily habits, brain-dumping and sorting can bring immediate relief from overwhelm.But the daily habits will help you break the vicious cycle you may be finding yourself in.
Note: This method can be created using a digital tool like Evernote or Trello, but it’s often more effective in the analog form.Calendars are the only thing I strongly recommend be done digitally because setting automated reminders takes an immediate weight off of your brain.